the kind of "cool" you want to be;

my strength<3

2009-08-02T03:35:00.000-07:00

is being challenged;

rest in paradise thug<3

YOU GOT IT!

2009-07-31T23:36:00.000-07:00

my FULL BLOWN attention// 0_0

eyes wide, mouth shut and open mind// my blank look only reflects what you said/are saying. blank, blank, your saying NOTHING! just a ramble of words and things that you think of me, that in NO WAY change who i am// but, it's your opinion, and i'll sit here and listen to it// cause you got it! my FULL BLOWN attention 0_0// and i know that you can't stand that i can sit back NOT SAY ANYTHING and still get to you// and i know that you can't stand that you blame me for all the troubles in your life and KNOW that their all TRULY because of you// but, this time you got it! my FULL BLOWN attention 0_0// who am i to say that what your saying is pointless? oh, that's right.... i'm the one who's FULL BLOWN attention you wanted 0_0 and YOU GOT IT!// *confession, while you were speaking i was picking up single words of your little "speech" thinking of ways to turn them into something i could write// so i guess you didn't get it[my FULL BLOWN attention 0_0] but, for the sake of you...
let's pretend you did.

i had forgotten;

2009-07-30T20:24:00.001-07:00

how much nujabes calms my soul♥

"it's the knowledge of self, understanding of the things around me
that becomes the wisdom that i need, living this life to the best of my ability"

>.<

2009-07-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

i find it funny that no one believes your an asshole//
maybe they do but, around you.. they pretend like your not.

well honey, i'm the GIANT PINK ELEPHANT in the room.

don't talk to me;

2009-07-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

DEADASS.

"fuck him and the horse he rode in on"

"wish i could say it breaks my heart....

2009-07-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

sometimes songs speak better than i EVER could and this song happens to make this one of those times// i hope it's clear, cause i can't[&REFUSE to] spell this one out.

SIDENOTE: i need a pen pal// someone CREATIVE[or at least trys] and that ACTUALLY writes back and puts some effort into it// i'm not gonna judge your work, i just ACTUALLY want something in return// and to know that the time taken out of my day to write, draw and mail a letter doesn't go un-appreciated. i am an artist and all we really want is some recognition.

we like to punch each other;

2009-07-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

and call each other mean names// we like to hide-out in the bathroom and tattle-tail on each other to our mom// we like to say disgusting things and call each other out for being disgusting// we DON'T lock the door when we use the bathroom// we like to take each others phone and be nosy, lmao!// we like to take HOURS taking pictures[even though their the same pose, we just don't like our facial expressions] and sometimes we'll sneak in some coin purse pictures[haha!]// we like to hang out with each other[even though we wont admit it]// we like to say, "tu culo entonces"// we don't like making lunch// she's my sister and i like her [MOSTof the time:]

cielo took,

2009-07-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

a BUNCH of buttons from my room! wonder where she got that idea;

prayers to my THUG'S health <3

my plan;

2009-07-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

i got to 1st base on the 1st date

2009-07-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

WITH YOUR MOM!!

>.<

along with, "you know girls mature smarter than boys"
and, "have you or anyone in your family... donkey?"
LMFBO! [f.y.i. these were ALL said by me]

thug love, nothing but HER health♥

mainzz

2009-07-13T18:38:00.001-07:00

spent the afternoon at the breezewood pool with my "mainzz" yesterday :]

"man, why can't life always be this easy"

gordough said,

2009-07-11T12:07:00.000-07:00

"life isn't wrapped in a bow, but it's still a gift."

who knew he was the type? he seems to always find a way to surprize me// weither it's saying something silly thats SUPER fcuking random or saying something thats deep// or by not saying anything at all just smacking me upSIDE my head// and he couldn't have said it at a better time, MY body is MY temple and i only have one, why NOT worship it, protect it and keep it "safe and free from harm" // VOW: no toxin's shall enter MY body// work outs and healthy food are ROUTINE// a healthy lifestyle is HAPPINESS :]

prayers to my thug because i only know her HEALTHY.

apparently; "idk"

2009-07-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

apparently; some people just KNOW more than others//
apparently; everytime i run into THE b.a.n it's not just a coincidence// he somehow always for see's something coming to me//
apparently; he saw this way before i knew what was going on//
apparently; i don't know whats going on//
apparently; he's right about everything.

anthony, let's talk this out. cause i'm feeling "gloomy and shit"

7-7-09

2009-06-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

can we, PLEASE!?

turn off

2009-06-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

cause you can only go "so long" with not-really speaking and still saying things that get you busted// without any real intent to hurt any feelings or down-grade anyones self-esteem// i somehow managed to achieve it with a simple REALPASTFACT, wtf? expect a lie?

*overwhelmed

devastated;

2009-06-27T15:16:00.001-07:00

*insert broken heart

my g'mamma was brought up proper;

2009-06-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

so, everytime i say "ladies shouldn't[or don't]" it's something that she said to me// hence the reason why i say that, their just words that got trapped in my head.
and i'm SUPER stressed out about it// my parents leave back to their homeland tomorrow and i'm set to fend for myself, AGAIN! i was getting so used to it :/

and i'm SUPER stressed out about him// my boyfrann.

and i'm SUPER stressed out about it// juan said something yesturday and i'm sure it means nothing but, i can't help it. so, i wonder... and i'm SUPER stressed out about it// mid-july is acting up; parents house, gmamma's illness, rowsa poop, lack of pay, and of course my fear. and i'm SUPER stressed out about it// but, i gotta switch back and smile it up like nothings wrong.

because ladies don't show stress :/

yo dawg'

2009-06-21T03:13:00.000-07:00

i'm fcuking hungryyy// rolled up in the crib STUMBLIN" to the door to the fridge// my tummy rumbilin"// snack packs and i can really go for a pizza, phone in my lap waiting for the boys to text me that they got home safe, and it's in my lap cause it's on vibrate [don't be gross]// not my arizon strawbeey kiwi drink but, i'm drinking it fine// anthony just texted me and it doesn't rhyme "yea i'm fine hah"// i want to write more, i saw a lion but ust the outline, the guys said it waas a garden hose but, their not creative like my mind :P// it seems like i'm typing better while i'm looking at the screen and not the keyboard// umm... i think i'm a little stoned// eddyson is SOO sweet ;]// bryan and i seemed to have developed a love[slash] hate relate-some-shiet// anthony was limp// benny's my roll dog♥ // i triped walking out the house, for a split second i felt like i could fly// idk why i'm still typing[i was gonna type "writting" but then i realized that i'm not using a writting utencil, therfore me to say that i was "writting" i would be lying:]// i'm fcukin silly and i missed eddyson :[ but, i'm glad that the kid is back at least for the week [LKS re-united! *plus bryan?]// i ran into; smokey[bryan], niko♥, chris moody[he said he'll myspace me;], georgiepoo!, samantha tyne, linda's little sister, adam [penguin], maurice, that one guy with the long hair, krusty kris, that other dude, flink, VICTORRR!!!, and i'm sorry if i missed anyone// yo dawg, i keep hearing dog noises like footsteps :O// umm... my brother is being weird// i want some taco bell// something like, "yo dawg, yo dawg, yo dawg// fcuk around and change the station// yo dawg, yo dawg, yo dawg// fcuk around and turn on your emergency lights"// something like, i keep hearing a "sexy" voice whisper, "hey", yo' i need to go to sleep er eat some corn nuts// okay i think im done.

WAIT! christopher [hunny] i called you.

woah yo

2009-06-19T15:45:00.001-07:00

wtf?!stop thinking?
for a moment can i just sit and NOT think?
put my mind at ease and release some tension?

write what i want without being questioned?

:/

dear lonnie rashid lynn

2009-06-07T10:58:00.001-07:00

would you please just let me pick your brain and just be? ;]

$5:76;

2009-06-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

video has my heart,.\

two secrets;

2009-06-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

in fifth grade i played the goose that lays golden eggs in jack and the bean stalk, i had to siing a song and dance a little dance ;] i was the best goose EVERRR!!! [my fifth grade teacher didn't get along with my mom// there were 3 other geese but, on the night of the biig play, the others got bumped down to backup singers because my teacher was afraid that my mom would beat her ass, ;D haha!]

about four years ago my seester had a dog named captain pinkus [not to be confused with captain penis] and we LOOOVVVEEEDDD that dog// one easter sunday on our way to visit our parents we came across this guy ina bunny suit [as if a guy in a bunny suit isn't funny enough] we decided to park and take a picture with him// the guy was such a great sport! then we proceeded to purchase a picture frame that says, "babies first easter" and hang it up in our parents house ;D// funnier shiet; my mom kept the picture up!

the cats outta the bag!!

number one

2009-06-02T18:46:00.000-07:00

something along these lines// only pink and the outline;

sequoia!

2009-06-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

take one;

take two;

take three;

take FOUR!!

i like chelsea handler

2009-05-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

from chelsea lately but, lately she's been getting stupid guests on her show// really?! who gives a fcuk about the 362546 season of a real chance at love!? or about that daisy of love show? this dumb brod[daisy, NOT chelsea :] half way through the interview starts talking about HEALTH benifits when chelsea asked her about tommy lee!? ugh, i can't stand stupid guests >:[

ring off

2009-05-28T22:37:00.001-07:00

"i can't sleep with your ring on// it cuts off the circulation to my dreaming"

as if i'm "okay" with you not wanting to get "deep" with me, i say "okay"// as if i was ever okay with anything superficial// you not wanting to get "deep" speaks that you can't handle it// when i'm not ona quest to make you feel any less than average// only few have the power to get me in the zone, only sometimes do i get "intellectual" with it, it makes me semi-somewhat sad to say that you not it cause you didn't want to get "deep" with me to begin with// the sad-E$T part is that maybe you DO have it in you; some un-tapped potential// that wont be tapped because you don't want to get "deep" with me and your lack of willingness turns me against this// i could have helped you be "intellectual" but, sometimes somethings are just to "deep" for people

:'[

2009-05-19T13:09:00.003-07:00

i miss my kid.

tainted...

2009-05-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

from 9:51am to 10:06am all because I accidently viewed my saved messages instead of my inbox// and this touch screen hit hard, when I tried to scroll up it decided to OPEN one// and when I tried to exit it, it only took me to his page// and when I tried to go home it opened up his pictures, at that point I had stopped fighting it// 15minutes of old feelings mixed with REAL truth, "I miss you, only because I didn't really know you."
it's all well because your tainted moment in my life is longgg gone, it went along with those LAST 15minutes//

"real love doesn't make you suffer"// with that being said, hello christopher! :]

i do the cute-E$T things

2009-04-29T23:28:00.001-07:00

you gotta give to recieveee and recieve to see whats inside ;]

curiosity?

2009-04-03T00:40:00.000-07:00

and you taunt me with it// ima let that message siit in my inbox, cause whatever it is you wanna say to me, you know where i live... right? and because i have nothing more to say to you, im done with it... not speaking about it or thinking about it :]

ona lighter note, shiet gets CRAZY! can i have the luxury of trippin over shiet that wont matter ina week?! please that sounds like some sort of relief// haha, how easy things would be if it wasn't so intense, fcuk it// ima MAKE TIME to walk roscoe and play with that ugly ass dog some more because ugly things need love to [bahaha!] all i do is feed the poor critter and call him mean names ina nice tone, haha! ima walk him, catch some early morning air// wayy early...

*insert nostalgic sigh

2009-03-13T03:11:00.000-07:00

i happen to REALLY like this song and video, she pretty much sums up how i've been feeling lately, i find it odd and somewhat refreshing :] :/ :? odd because i catch myself thinking about him and somewhat refreshing because i know why it is im thinking about him// this song is amazing; take away the vulnerability and you got me.

i was reluctant to watch sex drive

2009-03-10T01:41:00.000-07:00

seeing as it was dropped during the whole "writers strike"// heck, im STILL reluctant to watch any move that was made, released or even thought up of during that time, but eh// it wasn't that bad, i actually had a few "lol" moments;

wow, i feel like one of those movie reviewers type thingie, haha!// i guess i have the right seeing as i have an internet connection, dvd player and insomnia. heck, maybe someone should pay me or something// hmmm... idea brewing ;D

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anywho, i had a fun day today[well, monday] i got to kick it with the brat pack, help with their homework, make a mac and cheese dinner, color pictures[some for cj;], watch half of madagascar 2 [insert movie review: it's a fun movie to watch with the kids, even if you missed out on the first one// something like, if you've seen west side story theres a SMALL referance to it, comical :]

get them ready for bed, then snuggle up on the couch till i had to carry them to their beds one by one :]// if i REALLY wanted to i bet i'd make a DOPE mom, i'd be the COOL-E$T mom on planet earth!:]

love is music, music is love?

2009-03-07T00:16:00.000-08:00

NO!

love is love, music is just the soundtrack ;] and i now have in my possesion the SWEET-E$T soundtrack to this love.

man oh man! all work and no play// it's been a crazy few weeks// "i can never stay mad at you" said christopher♥

"be nice", i said

2009-02-25T00:57:00.000-08:00

i'll give you kind words of love and you say thank you with a smile.

i just seen an AMAZING movie, and i've just got off of a HARD working day at my place of employment :P// and i didn't take the trip to france with joey :[ for what it's worth neither did he// i got in contact with an old "flame" [if it must be called anything] and he's traveling the many miles i wish to see :] he's an email away, before he used to be a couple of blocks, a drive away and now he's millions of miles away... he's living the dream, with penalties because nothing comes easy// keef wiff the big teef, haha! the memories :]

be nice, be kind, give love with an open mind.

ah...

"parecia corazón, ahora piedra fria"

2009-02-24T22:26:00.000-08:00

on repeat inside of my dora sticker'd up hello kitty playback :] it's in my native language [*cough, cough] and she has a voice for days// something like, "finalmente cae la cascara te veo como eres" // something like, "i just wanna listen to you sing me away"// something like, "i can quote her for days"// something like, "cancelo la realidad de lo que era tu sonrisa"// something like, "si solo quisieras bien podra hacerte feliz" // something like, "no necesito ver cómo lentamente te olvidas de mi"// something like, "si solo vieran de lo que soy capaz"// and so on.

ah...

eh

2009-02-17T22:20:00.000-08:00

the words are past your verbs and your verbs are beyond your words// the worlds have collided and you can't pick a half// want both side of them knowing that neither would last// i hate to say that im the one to say that im over you// as much as i'd hate to say that, it's the truth// because i don't wear pounds of make-up and i hardly dress-up// when you like them all dolled up and skanked-out// females [hardly ladies] that put-out// claim to be a "V" just to impress me when i could care-less if you've ever "got any"// i'm proud of myself for not giving into the temptation of your sweet tasting lips// to be quite honesty, part of me wishes that i should have done it// then somehow i thought of glass breaking heart shatter// came to realize that to you it wouldn't have even mattered// im NOT going to be treated of anything less of what i am, you've done it once and i won't let there be a second// i told you from the start, i am not going to allow myself second// when it comes to matters of YOUR heart but, fcuk it... your loss.

somehow this turned into two whole different stories// i tried, not one of my best pieces but, i promised it :]

"i know your mind switches"

2009-02-10T23:58:00.000-08:00

because i KNOW true intentions// because i KNOW "blow off's"// because i've done them enough// because i stoped doing them and ACTUALLY tried// because it's too soon to see// because i'm not gonna waste any more FEW free minutes on "it", ya diig?// haha! anywho, im too old for "it"

haha, supp?!// call me, MISSbusy!// i've been soo busy!// scored 27/28 on my census test! can i get a "woop-WOOP!"// doing biig things all from the privacy of my little hidden town ;]// ahh! exhausting my resources because, well, i can and everyone is ALWAYS glad to give maya's daughter a hand[in marriage, baha!]

i've been writting sooo much[when i can]! i bought 2 new notebooks [70pgs] in the past TWO weeks[sin dando me cuenta cuando se acabadon!] and my paintbrushes are fine, thank you ;]// i have only time to sleep; wake up in the middle of nights to write down some things that make sense in the dreams then morning time transform them into FULL sentences, haha!// i needa put some up on this, go ahead give me opinions [i only read the nice ones ;] ahh!! promise, NEXT one is gonna be a piece// :]

touch?

2009-02-08T00:56:00.000-08:00

just a piece, i sat behind the keyboard, freestyled and wrote. enjoy;

where have you gone?// have i lost it?// for the 5th time this month?// lost touch?// or just not touching enuff?// not having time to touch?// not wanting to kiss you and clutch?// misplaced pen and such?// but i do still love// just not loving enuff to touch?//not leaving me time to discuss// how i just don't want to touch it// cause i wont get deep enuff// scratching the surface is not enuff// pushing small conversation is not enuff// nodding your head and agree-IN is not enuff// not wanting to touch?// not kissing you and clutch?// misplaced pen and such?// but i do still love// give me distance, i don't need you assistance to fix my existence, to bad your persistence gives me nothing but resistance// we co-exsist and DONT need to touch// just listen because my time is precious// accept it, i am so much// to much// you don't want any back talk, blackboard diagram painted... chalk, slitting words, girl giving more than two thirds, you just want to touch// but i do still love// to bad for you cause you hands, lips, tear drop drips, i wont touch// i, lost touch?// i, just don't wanna touch you cause you don't know much.

*alternate ending;
you don't want any back talk, blackboard diagram painted... chalk, slitting words, girl giving more than two thirds, you just want to touch// but i do still love// i love me enuff to know that if we touch// we can't go back in time and such// erase the fact that we were once, together we, touched// i wont touch// because i love me enuff to know that you aren't much.

^and i MIGHT read it soon// catch me at your local coffee house :]

makes my day

2009-02-05T23:53:00.000-08:00

it's funny little things like this that make my day// haha! :]

[me ina couple of years, lmfbo]

watch

2009-02-03T22:10:00.001-08:00

[the squid and the whale]

because it's awkward and i live for the awkward moments//[yes, you are not mistaken, i have told the WORLD to see this movie before... just that today i popped it in the dvd player and let it play:]// oh love, watch awkward indie movies with me<3

protection?

2009-01-31T10:15:00.000-08:00

a house is not a home// THIS house is NOT a home// everytime i step foot with mom, pops, or any elder; i get the usual "YOU ANNOY ME" and i don't do anything// these walls bounce hatred and it's a shame; forever cursed or something like it...

I DISLIKE THIS HOUSE!

random nights turn into random days

2009-01-24T11:27:00.000-08:00

went from the vibe to madmikes to mexico!?

[because i HATE their faces :]

because random markets in mexico are the shiet &because my pops and i drink coke with our breakfast &because it started raining and my momma was pissed :]

BUT love

2009-01-19T14:04:00.000-08:00

the world and ALL it's elements, because it named my two kids; [johnnie ocean]

[cielo boo]

schnookums!

2009-01-19T11:18:00.000-08:00

lovely bear pt.1// go ahead and tell me what your moon looks like, cause mine looks like a sun :]// it was on the night that they said the moon was going to be at it's BRIGHTEST of the year; the last night i spent at my momma's OLDSCHOOL house, outside look up beyond the houses and telephone poles &my moon looks like a sun....

dearest lovely bear,

i hate your STINKIN gutsss! keep an eye on your mailman, i think he's been kissing your mom♥ or maybe he just has a sweet package for you sometime soon; i mean, you never know just keep an eye on that SUCKA ;]

legendary night :]

2009-01-15T03:09:00.000-08:00

i finally got to meet rissapeace!!
and her cupcakes [http://rissapeacespeaks.blogspot.com/] are ONLY the beginning cause we're gonna do this right and we're gonna do this BIIGG// our hustle needs some promotional skills ;]// i was ina "wtf, no way!" mode for the first whole half of the night cause, "it's ACTUALLY rissapeace, sitting right next to me!" this girl, like... you don't even know// im one BIIG on words and words can't even express how much of me is she and we get it, type shiet// something like, words aren't enuff to say and thank the being that creates and put us in places, where we NEED to be put [cause people are put where they are needed]// something like, this girl or shud i say "LADY" gets it and we get it, and it's gonna be the shiet, ya heard!?// and after i got over that whole, "mode" i got to dancing and jamming and meeting some new people and playing with the oldies, middle school, thick ugly eyebrow years [and not much has changed ;]

something like, "i miss your NOT-white bitchass, white girl, shiet... fcuk!" [cause kristina got a mouth lika sailor:] and something about us kicking it more often cause, im fun and she knows it... haha!// and of course we can't forget the man of the hour. the driver of the year for the second year ina row;

benny ben, BEN! i love how this cat got a test at 9AM today and still decided to drive out and dance it up with me cause i really wanted to be there// benny ben, BEN! i love you kid, un-conditional type shiet :]

yea yea yes! definatly NOT least corrnnyy, corn, cornBREAD! cause he's better with a WHOLE lot of nancy[E$T] on top ;]// sorry about the two takes, we just had to get the picture right, haha!// and something but, can't help but, think that maybe this kat made all this a possibility :]// something but, can't help but, think that it's all thanks to him that nights like these are just the beginning :]

lengendary night, indeed... now im bout to roll onto andrews bed, "slide over, please?!" and get me some legendary sleep ;]

get 0FF it!

2009-01-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

dre said it best;
"I ain't even speakin your name// just keep my name outta yo' mouth and we can keep it the same"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

end of day5&6 of reloCATION;
and im all moved in [minus the internet connction :]

poppa said,

2009-01-09T10:28:00.000-08:00

"get a 9-5 to pay for you EXPEN$IVE habits; cause *cocaine ain't cheap &neither is paint."

:O

how does my dad know about my habit[s]?! maybe 'cause i've been CLEANING out his bank account// haha, excuse: "out with the old and in with the new, daddy" :]// baha! any-who, i've been thinking, im NOT the 9-5 kinda girl[yea, i enjoy it but, the routine kills]// im more of the, i work when i want to work and get paid for the time i worked [cause ima artist ;]// it's all about loving what you DO, who your with and where your at :]// with that being said i think ima bring BiiZARRiK [or PL] back because it's been missed and i got the hook-ups :]// so many new ideas and so much money to invest in it// but, JUST for fun; ima get a LOCAL 9-5// get my pops off my back and have dough for my [nasty] habits :]// look up and out for BiiZARRiK [or PL] cause they'll be FLYIN// part from this place and anyother tangled web we weave because it's counter productive ;]

*i don't D0 cocaine.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

end of day4 of reloCATION;
and im BEAT! mucus mucus mucus, flem, mucus?// but good news all in all, i get new DARK BLUE carpet put in tomorrow! *W00T-W00T!// something like ima make the room, "get galactic" with me cause "princess nanny, your galactic" ♥ :]// and i found 3 BIIG boxes to put all my canvases and posters and paint sets and arts and crafts inn// my mom: "just throw everything in!" me: "but, but, BUTT M0M! don't you know im an artist? these things take time" then she smashed out and went to the garage :]// soo, tomorrow is the day i "MOVE INN" and now, i CAN'T wait!!// something sweetsweet: my pops wants to keep the piece i did from his old wood// and i just MIGHT give it to him// im still not very comfortable with selling my art, their my babiess [AND seeing as i NEVER plan to have children] it's like neglect, it's like adandonment, it's like dumpster babies//

speaking about "dumpster babies" BITCHES! don't be dumb! you can EASILY leave your child at ANY hospital! you can EASILY put them up for adoption, you can let them live// do the words "safe surrender site" sound familiar? well it should, seeing as it was POSTED on the doors you came in thru after your water broke!!!//SHIET! FCUK DUMBITCHES!

so, im still not "okay" with selling them// i'd MUCH RATHER give them to people that i know, knowing that they'll hand them in the room and think about me everytime they see it :]// AHH!!! day4 of relo and im planning a NEW lifee :]

that makes it, what?

2009-01-08T18:16:00.000-08:00

the LAST time? aight, fo sho' // i got you..//"my DEAR-E$T cocaine", you can SUCKIT!

and it NEVER gets old :]

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end of day3 of reloCATION;

and the bathroom is still NOT clean// something like the carpet needs to be re-put-in and i have to finish [BEGIN] transfering my belongings over to the NEW residence, eh// i happen to be dying from the inside out// a little something written on my belly that reads[lifts shirt to see], "modern medicine aint cutting it// i think it's time to get galactic" along side my DREAM [rough-draft] tattoo// you'll see it when i get it, IF i get it// $4 worth of taco's later and my new years resolution is BROKEN [thanks favi!]// but the simplicity part stayed [hence the begining of this blog] and all i want to do is BE THERE already// im a little scared too because, well, it's sad to know that im not gonna be able to sitt up on the balcony after a long night with puffy eyes to watch the sunrise :'[// yea yea, i tear'd up for a sec when i realized it// yea yea im gonna miss waking andrew up with a guitar playing all the WRONG notes on may2[and any other day i feel like it] but we BOTH know it's for the better, the better for us if i leave// yea yea, im gonna miss drawing on my walls and staying up late on the phone// yea yea, im gonna miss ashes ringing my doorbell// yea yea, im gonna miss rowsa walking in WHENEVER she wants// yea yea, im gonna miss all my random visitors// yea yea, im gonna miss all my music// yea yea, im gonna miss JUMPING off of the stairs and landing on the couch// yea yea, im gonna miss the DANGEROUS fire place// yea yea, im gonna miss not locating my mom// yea yea, im gonna miss my green carpet// yea yea, im gonna miss my TAGG'D up door// yea yea, im gonna miss my yellow walls// yea yea, im gonna miss the palm tree outside// yea yea, im gonna miss walking in on a sunday morning for breakfast with the fam-bam// yea yea, im gonna miss johnnie ocean and cielo boo hiding in my room// yea yea, im gonna miss not knowing where i left my superbad dvd// yea yea, im going to miss late night HOUSE re-runs with andrew// yea yea, im gonna miss walking out the house at 2am with andrew to save his friend// yea yea, im gonna miss andrew driving and me sitting shotgun dancing to WHATEVER music he decides to play// yea yea, im gonna miss our random tuesday night trips to norwalk// yea yea, im gonna miss andrew throwing lint at me// yea yea, im gonna miss fighitng over the broom// yea yea, im gonna miss andrew, a lot :'[// yea yea im gonna miss a lot of things that i don't wanna name because i'll be crying for days// end of day3 of reloCATION and im starting to get really sad.

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cause HE remixed it;

"im planning my suicide"

2009-01-08T01:18:00.000-08:00

bahahaha!

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end of day2 of reloCATION;

something like HOURS ina bathroom witha toothbrush brushing everything BUT my teeth// something like i smell like clorox bleach and almond chocolate throw up// something like i still got a lot of shiet to do for my movee :/ and i packed all my coats and shoes and purses too// and i CLEANED the crap outta my new room, tomorrow the carpet gets attacked :]

in the mid-E$T of all my cleaning and moving and relo// i figured that if i have the spend the next THREE months, locked up ina house where all they listen to is a crow left of the murder on repeat [don't get me wrong i LOVE incubus but, c'mon! play me some s.c.i.e.n.c.e or morning view, PLEASE!] i was going to comit suicide// im ONLY kidding! a girl like me, PLEASE! i love my lifeee and i love WHO i am, i just think it's funny that the same tracks were on REPEAT! something like i NEED to upload my whole musical libuary into ruby's computer, educate her on some other vibes [music wise]// cause that shiet aint CRACKIN"// and im NOT about to siit back, relax and paint to that all day everyday! "you crawl in bed its three am// you smell of wine and cigarettes// a butterfly under the glass// you are beautiful but you're not going anywhere" cause we all know he's talking about me, BEWARE! criminal *points to self:]

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THE VIBE// RIVERSIDEE :]
&i call favi cause im like, "im siick, im tired and i wanna go out, you down?"// favi NEVER fails to say, "yea. im down" [especially ona random wednesday]// we walk in and im like, woah! it's madd empty and madd chill soo, fcuk it! lets stay, i mean what else are we gonna do ona wednesday?// look up to the dj booth and to my surprize it's, no one less than, DJ cornBREEZE! HOLLA!;] greeting me witha BIIG 0'HUG! as if we've known each other for agess! [cornspace: myspace.com/corrnbread] &im like "WOAH!" small world, no?// supper chill cat, supper sweet heart;]

[yeahyeahyeah, i look DRUNKK!]

[photograph is PROFF!]

all in all, it was a madchill place// next wednesday? open mic's so, ima bring my boyCATS to spill some of their "funky stuff"// :]// maybe [i said, MAYBE] VER$IFY will come back and spill some shiet on the mic, too ;D// but, we all know she's got some convincing to do, haha!

passing through all my things

2009-01-06T12:20:00.000-08:00

and i came upon this picture of us together :'[// call me crazy for making a blog about my old dog but, captain pinkus i love you and i miss you soo much! [even crazier for talking to a dog ]':

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end of day1 of reloCATION;
and im BEAT! been thinking a lot like crazy about a lot of things that have ALREADY happened this year// since this year hit it's been nothing but crazy shiet [not so much "shiet" cause most of it is turning out to be "love" but, you know what i mean :]// while i took a nap cause, oh yea, im SIICK! after packing ALL MY SHOES and ALL MY BOOKS [i prolly have the most random book collection, EVER] in between my sleeping, trying to sleep and thinking// i grabbed my turntable, chicago flavor, spiral notebook and wrote some random shiet// in my half-asleep dream sequence it made sense, "it's me your other half, i will always be// here son, "whos this" ask who is, it's me" and for some reason, i needed some one to, "explain to me why i smell bubble gum, cotton candy, watermelon// when i lay on my bed, rightsided" and i kept thinking what my room was gonna look like and how ima feel painting in it// it's strange, i feel like my stuff is going to a little more "dark" and not so bright, due to the lack of light and the location of the house to the sunrise and set// but it's all good :] cause ima walk to work, stoogie and buy my car in less than 2months// no, i haven't forgotten who my designated co-pilot is ;D

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and for some reason, captain planet comes to mind;

>.<

my DEAR-E$T cocaine,

2009-01-05T22:56:00.000-08:00

it had been WELL past a YEAR since you have INFECTED my inner workings and like i've said, "im not fit for you"// yet somehow YOU weasel your EVIL, un-KIND, hurtful ways back into my life and im sitting here [again], wanting nothing more than to be CUT-LOOSE of this noose you wrapped tightly around my neck [again]// it was all sooo sweet, less than a week, NEW-RECORD CALL GUINNESS!!// thanks for letting me go on sooo long [with the hint of sarcasm]// and i love. i love. i love. I LOVE// and you hurt. you burn. you rip. YOU YELL!//

my DEAR-E$T cocaine,
why must you punish me for being a YEAR stearing CLEAR of you?// i've done PURE GOOD without you, i've hurt not me nor-anyone without you// i was happy on my own HIGH without you// then you pointed it out, thinking that i HATED being without you// speaking to me quietly while i sat and TRIED to paint sweetsweet things, saying "you know the silence kills you"//

my DEAR-E$T cocaine,
you did it this time// you broke more than one at the same time// three or more and the third one is less aware// they have been INFECTED by you, it'll take them days to realize what it is they got// come back and ask, "whats this white stuff?"// it's not my fault! you did this, you did this, YOUDIDTHIS, YOU DID THIS!// you REALLY did it this time// when will the charm come back? when will i get this simplicity you said i'd have? when will you stop this vicious attack? when?// another year?// why must you choose the beginning of everyone for me// well at least i know you HIT IT fast; we can pretend that no one happened, no one sniffed it//

my DEAR-E$T cocaine,
YOU ARE THE WORSE DRUG.
and i have seen many FALL to their knees for you// flip turn around worship and can't get enough of you// you and i battle for this attention more often than you'd like to think but, you offer "eternal happiness" and i offer "a sense of self-awareness"// and even the strong must fall but, i can't stand to think that you've taken another one from me// YOU TARNISH MY BEING!// i want nothing more than for you VANISHMENT!// every shooting star i see on everynight i get galatic, im going to ride it, out to the end with my wish on repeat, "VANISH THE HUMAN RACE OF COCAINE"// and theres not a DAMN thing you can do to stop me//

my DEAR-E$T cocaine,
i love and you don't// i breath and you stop// i want and you take// i leave and you stay// I LOVE AND YOU DON'T// i walk and you pace// i stand and you trip// i talk and you spit// I LOVE AND YOU DON'T// i think and you move// i push and you pull// i remove and you glue// I LOVE AND YOU DON'T// im air and your sand// i let go and you try to hold my hand// im space that you can't embrace// I LOVE AND YOU DON'T// i rhyme and you make no sense// im clean and your slime// i'm done with you, for REAL this time.

my DEAR-E$T cocaine,

FCUK YOU.

[i'm not sure about this part]
my DEAR-E$T cocaine,
i refur to you as cocaine, and others refur to you as love.

sincerely// nancy.

my daddy's wood

2009-01-02T15:12:00.000-08:00

wednesday, i stopped by my pops shop and went rummaging through his old "wood"// then i came upon this 1/8 maple vinegar plywood type piece with BARE color// and while my daddy was painting a drawer that needed to be stripped of it's color and made lighter, i went into his secret "stash" of custom stains and made a semi-purple one using cherry and wildberry, staining the CRAP out of this piece of wood, an old piece of wood that was probably just going to be tossed out and left to rot, never to know the BEAUTY of being something BEAUTIFUL like it's fellow wooded friends :P // after giving it this semi-purple base, i went to the local up the street store to get some xxx vitamin water and something to munch on, i came upon a NEW can of gold KRYLON spraypaint, JACKPOT! [i.d. at hand, i bought it :]// get back to the shop and spray an undercoat of gollddd, some shineshine never hurt anyone ;] packed up our shiet and "FLEW" to mo val but due to the festivities, it was just lying around in my room until last night, while chatting it up with mr. sir GAY i gave it a rough sketch using my FIESTAS pencil, and started painting away// freely forming free-form objects with room for interpretation// but but, top middle kinda behind that purple petal shape thingie, why... thats mr. sir GAY :]// main piece to display in my new place and im sooo excited for it! wow, shocker much, my momma likes it and my pops can't stop staring at it, andrew said that it sucks but, behind his words i saw his smile of jealousy... haha!// it's just a trip that im finally getting to see what it is im thinking// im finally sharing what it is that i've been doing all those sleepless night by pillowsides and acrylic paints with messy clothing and a black tat book... i was thinking, i have some pages left in it, maybe i should give everyone that means something to me, an opportunity to tag it up, write something, draw something, paint something, glue something or just color something in it// i think that would be sweet; first on the list,

"ROWSA!! COME HERE, GIRLL!!"

new new new [year too]

2009-01-01T17:16:00.001-08:00

i could sit here and write about how my night went, and how i was upset when it was 12:00 to how i became the HAPPIEST person in the world an hour later but, thats my memory to keep and my secrets to later expose :]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

74 degress// winter?

2008-12-29T16:36:00.000-08:00

catch some cali sun with a biig canvas bag, put your shoes on and lets go// fresh and easy and walgreens; pick up some NEW YEARS neccesities, "wtf! you have got to be KIDDING me! they don't sell ring pops here!? whata BUSST!"// momma's like, i wanna eat some c.jr... come with me, *sigh// aight MOM! walk in [and wow] what a surprise// FACE! get's out and gives me a hug and i'm like, "umm... hi"// thennn, we hit the autoznoe// ANDREW FOR LUNCH, YUM! but, he's only ona 10-er :[ sooo... JACKMODE! grabs car keys and runnssss!!!! hop on momma!

shopping list:

-juiceeee X2

-girl THANGS [prettypink barbies nails& file// cause i need to have "princess" hands]

-dark chocolate with almonds

-rainbow trail mix type shiet

-dried fruit mix type shiet

-oatmeal raisin cookiesss, YUM!

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MISPLACED DELAYED COMMENT OF THE DAY:

andrew: "have a good day, mom [PAUSE] and nancy, wash your vagina"

mom: "YOU TOO ANDREW!"

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lastnight i was talkin to sir GAY while i was painting this picture and somehow she [kinda] looked like samantha tyne! but it wasn't with intention! she's supposed to be ME with my red/ burgundy hairr cause come january, im get that thang DYED and cut into something short and sweetsweet// but thats besides the point, mr. sir GAY made me colossally fcuk up my beautiful piece of art// and now theres a BIIG purple stroke in a tan tan heart. i could still fix it, work my magic and make it something dope, seeing as all i make is dope// RESPECT! haha! you got one more day, BUDDY! only because i said, "not tomorrow but, in TWO days"// you know the rulesss! sides you got one more day to think of something LESS to explain that: JUST BULLSHIETTIN" statementtt// something like, "huh?!" rigghtt?

SIDENOTEE:

i like to think that this song is pretty much the reason i am the way that i am:]

yes, it's NOT just you, the places in the video DO seem familair// because they ARE familiar! the band is from riversideee therefore the video was recorded in riversidee// sweetsweet, huh?! look them up! listen to their music! go to their shows with me!

WINSTON AND THE TELESCREEN

momma said

2008-12-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

"you SHOULD HAVE princess hands" [because my poppa calls me a princess:]after telling me that i have need to paint my nails or do something to them...

mr. sir GAY do the honors, haha! you know you wanna// don't deny it! and thanks for today, the random 3H0UR chat was fun! next monday SET cause your in my town now! losseerrr lets practice those pick-up liness, ima be SPITTIN" them non-stop on january 5:] not to you, to all the other guys i stumble upon// you got some QUITTIN" to do, if you wanna make it to super bowl season and see your GIANTS at the homeplaceee. you know FOREVER in debt to me, slave staus, you know you like it! haha! yea yea, im writting to you, your the only one who BEGGS me to blog it up, because; you = dope// blogs = w/e <--- you know you said it beyond the fact that you were ROLLIN"// btw, when you said "im rollin" for a sec i thought you were laughing soo hard you were "rollin" boy, was i wrongggg!! innocence, ya diig? more then 3 g's if you quit, TRIP OF YOUR LIFEE and you get ONE in the stadium, sides im willing to BET that your not gonna wanna "light it up" when the time comes cause, we know the consequences;

&if you haven't figured it out yet// this song is to you
christopher david jimenez... "it wasn't me, it was you"

dear anti-drug

2008-12-28T02:13:00.000-08:00

it's time for some tuff love but, love none the less.

ask yourself: how am i still nancys friend? why has she kept me as a friend? pity? no, i have MADLOVE for you. i have MADLOVE for your family. i DON'T have MADLOVE for what your doing to them. i DON'T have MADLOVE for what your letting others MAKE you do, i want to believe that what your doing is NOT coming from you, i want to be naive to this, i want to believe that you are being pressured, i want to think that you have a GUN pointed to your head and lost your "free will", i DON'T want to believe that you choose to do this[that], i DON'T want to believe you self-righteously choose that[this] path because you are better than that.

i can't help but think[feel] that your "falling out" was mostly, COMPLETELY, my fault. im sorry i vanished, im sorry i had some things to take care of, im sorry i was selfish, im sorry i vanished, im sorry i thought you were stronger, im sorry i wasn't there, i apoligize for not being GREAT, i apoligize for backing down, i apoligize for hiding you from the real world, im sorry i vanished and left you alone. i didn't think you'd fall apart this much, i didn't think you'd fall apart at all. i thought you were ready to stand alone, i thought you were ready to take a stand on your own, i thought you were ready to respect yourself.

i was NEVER wrong, until you came along...
"come back to me the way you were, the way you were when we were young"

it pains me to see that you have been manipulated into something that all those that care about and love you KNOW that you are FARR from, it pains me to say that i wish i didn't know who you were, that way it'd be easy to accept you now because who you were, would be ashamed of "who you are now"// it pains me to think that i had a large part to do with this, it pains me to notice that your treating yourself LESS than what your worth.

knowing the truth, is half the struggle// are you "growing up" or "growing stupid"?

ring pop creations

2008-12-27T16:14:00.001-08:00

are NOT for sell, i make them for ME!

call me selfish but, i know your just jealous :]

you'll never get it

2008-12-26T16:29:00.001-08:00

and thats okay:]

i spent all last night/morning chatting it up with mr. sir GAY// he's quite the interesting young man, and he was down to meet me at my favorite spot and talk about the universe! something [kinda] dope, this kid is// he's sweetsweet but, with boundries, MUCH RESPECT :]

then, then i got to shop! [after christmas sells were a BUST] some dope clothing and some dope memories with my seester and mother, oh yea... andrew too! haha!

tonight, i get to be with my kids and get started on some sketches that i got HIRED to paint! [a mural on a childs room] something like she wants me to do sketches of animals, and something like, ima be BOOKED for the next two weeks, getting stuff done!! i am sooo excited to do this! this lady is WEALTHY and she has WEALTHY friends, she's totally gonna love my work and all her friends are totally gonna want me to paint things in their kids rooms! [haha! wishful thinking, much?!] it's a good thing that all my art is unique, i'll never paint [or draw] the same thing twice [concepts might stay the same but, art is always different :] i am soo excited to do this for her! getting paid doing what i love, and this couldn't have come at a BETTER time in my lifee!! put out good, recieve good// her words keep bouncing around in my head, "YOU CAN DO ANYTHING"// something good, something good! i love this! i get to do what i love most and get paid for it! sides, my other "projects" [planet love] are still running, i need to update the website :] i am sooo excited! better get back to work! ahhhh!! >.<

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-25T01:57:00.000-08:00

to all, and to all a good [fcuking] day!?! gosh! it's so late/early! :]

today... DAY/ december 24th my pops and i worked on THE 1969 ford mustang [california classic] making my hands smell like gas and greases// the story went a little something like this;

transfer the party to my uncle hugo's place/pad, christmas at his house!! starting it off with a snowman compitition// my dad was the BEST judge. getting the closer looks and examining all snowman with great detail// "im a traditional man, i like my snowman to have THREE layers but MADPROPS to thoses that took it a step further" haha!
then something like; i was singing silent night, in my BEST opra voice. jokingly [or at least i'd like to think] PJ, looks at me and says, "you shud go caroling"// for some reason i thought it was just to get me locked out of the house but, being the MASTER of flipping things around, i get EVERYONE hyped up and [SURE enough] convice everyone to join me:] caroling with my FAVORITE cousins, only cause their always down to make memories. ding dong doorbell, sing "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR" then, RUNNN!!

[LMFAO @ MY MOM &JAZZ"S FACE! X]

spending most of the night full of laughter and things that SHOULD NOT be mentioned, X] my family is the funnest when we all get together// something like i love them to DEATH// i don't know who else i could be with that would have me ROLLIN" stomach cramps and what not// p.s. musical chairs champ, I LET BABYGIRL WIN! haha!

[my fat boys<3]

[i got a bunch of CUTEASS clothing, seeing as i had already bought myself what i wanted for christmas// other than the LOVELY paintset rowsa got me]
morning risee, "merry christmans andrew, merry christmas dog, merry christmas mom, merry christmas dad." get some clothes on and go back to tio's! we show up and im FREEZING my ass! haha, totally went inside the house and made ruby put on a movie for me [the corpse bride//it turned out to be really cute] GRAB a huge blanket on the floor next to me and coccon myself in that shiet like i own the place [butterfly status:]

[i have a shiet load more pictures and a shietload more to write// i'll put it up when i have time, enjoy the basics!]

&&something like a txt, im not sure how to see it// how to take it: maybe everygirl he knows got it, maybe it was some atempt to erase sunday nights words, and maybe... just maybe, he REALLY means it. [i gotta ask]

call me crazy

2008-12-23T13:35:00.000-08:00

"HEY, CRAZY!"

do i set myself up for this type of shiet... lastnight while painting i was thinkin, do i REALLY want some sort of a relationship// do i? i have no legitiment answer for myself, no one to answer to BUT myself and i didn't want to answer. here goes, my answer is NO. i just thought it'd be sweetsweet to have some guy to call my "he"[i still dream of it, and how it'll be when it happens] without leaving room for disappointment, i don't want it. i don't want a "he" thats to much pressure on me to be a "she" when all i want to do is BE happy in what i do, who im with, where im at. besides, setting myself up for disappointment and heartbreak, is not cute. setting myself up for saddness is not cute, either. im not saying that ima shoot down everyguy that tries to be anything with me, im just saying that you can "BE" and if somehow you turn out to "BE" what it is i want, then... we'll see// right?
i just want someone to call, knowing that he'll answer, &i already have that.
i just want someone to CARE for me, &i already have that.
i just want someone that wants to "hang out" with me, &i already have that.
i just want someone who'll hug me, &i already have that.
i just want someone to miss me when i don't call, &i already have that.
i just want someone to write poems to, &i already have that.
i just want someone to compliment me, &i already have that.
i just want someone who'll put me first, &i already have that.

funny, i have what i've been looking for all along... these guys ride to the end for me, im not dating any of them, and i don't need to be to get what they give me....

besides i don't kiss boys anyway :]
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yeah, yes, why not! simple things, simple things<3
and thats how it is with me, it's all about the simple things, little things, microscopic even// and i feel like i've already found "him"// seemingly to just my luck, he's caught up in his own thing; and things like these take time to get over, rid of, and move on [unless your me, hair flip and a blunt goodbyee:]// moves will be made at somepoint// simple like how he looks at me and knows im soo much more// simple like how he greets me with a long hug like i love// simple like my pink barbie nails he notices and im missing my right hand painted because well, he usually does it for me// simple like sharing and giving him one of my ring pops// simple like my un-matching socks that match because they complete each other// ehh... not some sappy girl wanting something BEYOND dreams, i just want "him" to know what he says and means :]]

disposable women

2008-12-22T17:48:00.000-08:00

and i am no where near that.
i was on some good shiet last night, far from just another female, just another girl you kissed, just another "chick"// 3 in the am rants with jimmyguy, he's insides scoops, he's dope. a TRUE dope guy, super sweetsweet [even when he's rollin :] and he opened my eyes// directed me BACK to what i already knew... BE SURE, in what i do and HOW i do it, sweetsweet advice, sweetsweet open eyes// NO ILL FEELINGS, too much love for that KID. my old kid, ages past kid... man oh man. I AM WHO I AM. never scared to be "HER"// I AM WHO I AM. my intellect, is different. my SELF-respect, is different. my vocabulary, is different. my views, are different. i am somebody you would LOVE to have in your life// and i love being in some's :] i am NOT just some girl... it takes a lot, but if you want to see it; truth is, it's on the GUY. you want to see it? show me, gimme a time of day; ask me REALLY and i'll answer it from ME. "a mind is a terrible thing to waste" [random words from last night's gourmet book] trust, mine isn't going to waste// and i wont be a waste of time....... personal add, much?

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ew at girls that get WASTED and are rude and dumber than usual. that is sooo NOT attractive, to be fallin over yourself and yellin at people, ACCUSING people of drinkin your "jager" when you drank it all YOURSELF// walk outside and expect someone to chase you, only to end up sitting on a lonely sidewalk by YOURSELF crying your eyes out... and come back to the party and YELL at the person trying to calm your DUMBASS down// shiet, i am TOO fly to give a shiet, hence the reason she was outside BY HERSELF. haha, but anywho... it's just NOT cute to be drunk and falling over yourself, hell, it's NOT cute to be rude// YOU MAKE WOMEN LOOK BAD.

because ladies don't get drunk.

"one half won't do"

2008-12-21T14:57:00.000-08:00

lets pretend for a second or maybe the REST of your life, that it NEVER happened! with that being said,
i am one WHOLE not HALF of anything, i give my ALL and i deserve ALL// it's only fair but, if for some reason [in you beliefs] it's okay to give a hair-flip and a "sure" then only feel my RESPECT for SELF when im around// "treat others the way YOU want to be treated" is the reason i RESPECT you and your decisions[as LAME as they are to me]

i give WHOLE;
words[although mispelled]
soul[although not sweetsweet]
being[my time of day or night]
love[as complicated as it maybe]
me[even though you don't know it]

i deserve WHOLE &i won't settle for anything less than that,
*toot-toot
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last nights rants and ending up in a random locations, is what i live for! my girls, MY GIRLS! well, their not girls, even though they have "lady parts" their WOMEN, in deed :] something about hearing her say, "i love you so much" after so long is what i was missing :/ something about crying my eyes out, in an old room, after her thinking that it was something more than what it really was, after her thinking that it had to do with some BOY and she realized that it wasn't what she thought, it wasn't because of some boy, and how she felt after//"it hurt me to think that my sister would not be okay with a decision she made. that is NOT the girl i know"// i am NOT them, not to sound cocky, i am HIGHER than that// it's NOT what i WANT, it's NOT who i AM// people already love me for WHO I AM, i don't ever need to feel PRESSURED to do something that i don't want to do// you live and you learn, i have LEARNED// it's not who i am, it's not what i do, and thats okay :] // to think that i "lost my luster" is a HURTFUL point// a lost of luster, breaks my heart// but i have not! the drive is there the WANT is there// i love how she makes me feel, "you can do ANYTHING!" it's not a sugar coat, half lie, she MEANS it, and i know it :]// i love this, i love this movement, i love where i am going and where i have been, i love rowsa, i love the REAL smiles and REAL words and REAL actions, the "i got this" and how we care for each other, i have an older sister but she is FAR from old and i love her, soo much.... my mentor AND my sister<3

scab, PICK AT IT!

2008-12-20T01:09:00.000-08:00

the beauty of it can end up so ugly// cat fights over the same guy// troublesome two over one feeling// not wanting to have certain feelings expressed, saying words NOT ment to be said but, in the fall oh half-asleep attack, having no choice but to react fast// other feelings other thoughts into consideration// flip script sit up and plea, "take it back... for me"// hiding, hiding, hiding, the real behind words and actions// "why you little" at simple dreaming together cute distractions// not one but, TWO// wanting TWO// "had me checkin myself and double checkin, i popped the resurrection, in the mirror i only heard my reflection" // singing songs out of key// whispering words without knowing thier meanings// TAKE IT BACK... for me// wtf, did i get myself into?!// teardrops no tissues.

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lose the sense in this half of it// new clothing, new sights, new boys, new friends, old love, and old words... ANCIENT words with powerful meanings// i don't want to make this blogspot all about the stupid shiet boys do, or the stupid shiet i do to them// lets make it about everything else, not put my shiet on blast[keep it under wraps// respect for ALL parties// mistakes included]

the 20th monthly "MAKE MISTAKES" day [official]
go out and do your best to fcuk something up// pull the green wire// exit through the emergency doors// yank the fire alarm// push the BIG red button// disconnect your t.v. and hide the remote// slide down the parks slide backwards// try a front flip mid-air// parachute// spend your rent money at the casino// anything really, anything you know you shouldn't do but, always wanted to! FREEDOM DAY! MAKE MISTAKES!

forgiveness granted tomorrow, PENDING!

early presents

2008-12-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

sooo the lovely rowsa boo gave me an early present [tis the season] and i haven't been able, not wanting to, stop using it! on my free time [middle of the nights] you'll catch me lit up in MY room over acrylic paints and it's paper, like i used to with the black tat soul rebel radio sticker back book sketchbook and it's ENDLESS words, rants, and bff's drawn crayola marker'd pages :] i still use that book, it's almost full and im not sure how i feel about it. it's like the WHOLE year, sealed and wrapped ina nice little book, 2008 is a book to me// maybe, due to my new hobbie, acylic paints and ENDLESS brush strokes framed and put ina box somewhere in my momma's garage would somehow become 2009:] or something more, like the "lost paintings of nancy" haha, get famous or something [after i die] for it.

well, i love it, i love whats come out of it, i love the fact that it's been A YEAR! and i got some dope friends back// i was MADWACKED to be changed by some foo' correction: FOOLS! haha! i love me, i love a new place to just type and say, "fcuk it, i don't care who reads"